FAQ

I don't know what to do.  Where do I start?

Start by writing down...

  what's happening now and shouldn't be
  what's not happening now but should be
  where you really want to get to
  all the possible ways that you might get there
  what's good and bad about each one, and so which is best    
  what you're going to do to make the best way work

Don't try to do this in your head, because writing things down...

  gets a clearer picture
  means you're not so likely to miss something important
  balances everything better, so cutting fears down to size
  lets you pause and come back later, a helpful tactic anyway  
  gives you a useful record

Do you know a cheap way to solve problems and feel good?

Yes - go for a walk!  No, seriously.   Lots of people find that going for a brisk half-hour walk, preferably in the country or a park, will both make you feel good and start to give some answers to whatever is bothering you.  You need to be walking briskly, not just strolling, and this often clears the head and opens up the mind.  It's rather like the way going to bed with a problem in mind sometimes means that you wake up with the solution.  So find an open space nearby - hop on a bus if you must - and walk fast enough to get your heart pumping a bit, perhaps by climbing a hill.  Don't drive yourself, but just walk a bit faster than usual.  There's even an organisation devoted to promoting walking - see Walking the Way to Health.  Diogenes (the chap who went round with a lamp in daylight "looking for an honest man") suggested solvitur ambulando (I solved it by walking).

How did you get into this kind of work?

In the 70s, I worked as a communications trainer and consultant for Rolls-Royce.   Managers would say to me "I'm a bit worried about somebody who seems to have personal problems.  Have you got a course that'd help?"  I'd have to say "No, courses can't do that" but I got interested in looking for something that would help.  I discovered that most people don't get listened to much, are often told what somebody else thinks they should do, and may never get a chance to work out their own answers.  I also discovered that if someone really does listen to you and shows it, then you can start to understand what's happening and even begin to work on what to do that'll suit you.  "How do I know what I think till I see what I say?", as E M Forster observed.

Gradually, I learnt what helping skills work from practice, study, skilful mentors, formal training and the hundreds of people I worked with.  I'm still learning.

Your competitors charge more - aren't you very good?

I charge what seems to me a fair price for my skilled time.  I don't have huge overheads, I do think people should be able to get good support at a reasonable price, and I'm not greedy!

Is there a solid basis for your approach?

I think so - but then (in the immortal words of the saucy Mandy Rice-Davies) I would say that, wouldn't I?  Essentially, I do what works, and the test is whether people go away from me and do something that suits them and addresses the problems they brought.  This owes a lot to the Solution Focus approach pioneered by Steve de Shazer, which concentrates on helping people to work out how to use their own abilities to tackle the world and its issues.  Like Carl Rogers, I believe that I can help best when I stop listening to myself and try to hear the other person's story.  I'm not very interested in being "an expert" or in trying to get others to do what I think is right for them, because it probably isn't.  They have to find out and do what's right for them and I've discovered that they mostly can.